So That Ye Shall Know That I Am God!

If you could be praying for me I'd really appreciate it...

School has gotten very overwhelming within the past week... 

I'm trying to not stress out about my pain possibly coming back...

I have to write papers, organize a presentation, and take my Bible test...

I'm also trying to find somewhere to work from May-early August...

Along with just trying to remain somewhat sane and social...

Basically, I'm beginning to fall into a pit of despair...

Things have been really up and down and up and down lately and I cannot wait until I can step back and breathe...!

For right now though, God's put me in this situation and, no matter how stressful it is, I want to do everything I can to glorify Him and enjoy Him through each aspect of it...

SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!!
>.<

In chapel this month, a few Seniors have been presenting a devotional they've prepared to share with everyone. The last chapel we had was presented by Marie B. and how God used her experience of slowly reading through Ezekiel since December to show her something so amazing and necessary not only in her life but also our own.

I believe I can speak for everyone who was in chapel when I say that it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear that Wednesday morning. Her devotional went over how we can go through immensely stressful, difficult, and sometimes unimaginable struggles in our own lives, even to the point of what seems like no return, and how God uses these trials to bring us even closer to Himself than we were...

 "So That Ye Shall Know That I Am God." 

All of these difficult situations, where Satan is trying to show us how frustrating our lives are and how much we should want to look at God, shake our fists in His face, and say "How could You?", can instead be completely turned around into thankfulness, awe, and praise to God. Rather than continuing to be angry with God, we can see how, even though we go through these trying experiences, He is always with us and will never leave us nor forsake us.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is found in Philippians.
(I've italicized my "favorite" parts)

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
~Philippians 4:4-9

I always try to remember this passage when I begin to give into my depression and stress. I love those promises in both the seventh and the last verse:
(I memorized this passage in a different translation than the ESV, so it might be different from before!)

"...And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
 "...And the God of peace will be with you."

If I bring all of my problems and all of my shortcomings to the Lord with prayerful requests and thankfulness, He will hear me and will grant me peace in His timing.

The God and Creator of the entire universe...
HE will hear -me-! 
...WOW! 

Isn't that...Mind-boggling??
What a great and mighty, merciful and loving God I (we) serve!

 Even though I know that I fall so extremely far from perfection, I still desire to reflect Christ in everything I do. Even if He chooses to let me fail in certain areas and aspects of my life. Yet I still maintain this: If God can work a miracle through me in my College Math course, He can do ANYTHING He desires to in my life!
;)

So, with papers to write; a presentation to prepare; a Bible test to study for that I'm taking tomorrow (3pm PST); and an almost 6 hour straight work shift in the library tonight (Covering for two different friends); I bid you all a good evening from Pasadena, California and pray that you too shall know that HE Is God!
^_^

- Courtney

This was a macro-shot I took of a super-teeny-tiny plant after a rainy Spring morning... I thought it would go really well with this post...
:)

The Unheard Word

Hey Everyone :)
So I was going through my old documents on Google a few minutes ago and I noticed this poem that I had written last year.

I know it had to do with a Buzz post (Remember Google's Buzz?), but I don't remember what the "Word" was...
I guess we'll never know......

;)

1/15/11
By: Courtney

11:50am-11:58am

The Unheard Word

I wonder what you'd say

If I wrote in here today

And refused with all my might

That word in here to write

That noisy word

That we've all heard

But I darest not to say

Because if I do

I believe I'll rue

My silly choice today

"What noisy word?" you ask of me

What type of girl am I taken to be?

That word of which my poem has lacked

Not "hit", not "hack", but a front-hand impact

Ha! There! You see?

I did not use that word

That was my aim and so it should be

For thus it goes unheard

----------------

I miss writing poetry... Oh well, maybe later on...We'll see...

With a huge pile of books to catalog and lots of love from me,

I bid you all goodnight, 

And thus exits

-Courtney

A picture I drew when I was in Illinois last month :)

Commencing *Comical Courtney* :)

One thing that I absolutely LOVE to have in my life is a good laugh.  

I have a entire file on my laptop that is solely dedicated to funny, interesting, thought-provoking comics that I have found and am finally starting to save on my computer.

Laughter and smiling are the two best "medicines" that I know of for curing bad days and sour moods...At least for myself anyways... ;)

Because of that, I have decided to launch a new section of my blog posts entitled Comical Courtney.
Some of these posts will be comics and some might be a funny video that I made or that I found online... 

Yes CollegePlus! peoples, I'm branching out beyond Google+!

--- To which my friends say..."Oh dear.....!" ---
;)

For starters:

I know...
My mind was blown too...!

What?? It made me laugh...

My humor varies...

I read this one out loud to myself in a "French" accent...
Ended up laughing for a few minutes after that...
That's why this took a bit longer to post...
;)

---------------------

So yeah, I hope you enjoyed and continue to enjoy this type of post as much as I do!

Oh, and please don't forget to comment on my posts and/or send me a message somehow to let me know if you like what I'm blogging about and/or if you want to see/read something new or that you're curious about!

I love, Love, LOVE hearing any and all suggestions! :)With love and some wonderful, 80F (or more!) degree weather, 

- Courtney

Have A Happy Easter!

Highlights :)

Soooo... I've been doing a lot lately...

And I have a ton of exciting things in store as well...!

In non-chronological order:

I submitted this picture, which I entitled Simple Intricacy to Providence's Photography Contest and I'm very excited about it :)

My friends, Jordan & Vanessa got engaged on Monday!!!!

This is a picture I took of them the week they started dating last year:

Not only that, but I have also been asked to do their engagement photos!!!!

I'm so excited! ^_^ !

A few days before, two of my good friend from CollegePlus!, who were both at the Kansas Gathering last year, just started a courtship together!

Congrats Alex & Jessica!

:)

Remember that College Algebra test and quiz I was worried about?

I got a 30/30 on my quiz!

AAANNNNDDDDD....

...I got a 93% on my test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BOO YAA!!!!

^_^

Last Friday I was "cast" as an extra-for-a-day along with my friends, Amy H. and Ian H. (No, they're not related!), for an independent crew's (film? short-film?) called Jimmy's Pickle. The crew was shooting some scenes on the main floor of McGavran Hall and my friends and I walked across mid-hall, while other extras/actors were doing their own stuff and the main actor ran down the hallway...

It was exciting and mundane all at once haha ;)

Later on, my English class had a 20 minute break (It's a 3 hour long class!), and I went out to the front and sat on a low wall on the front steps of McGavran playing around with my iTouch (A little bit above where the point is in the picture below). The film crew asked me to be a bystander (bysitter?) as they shot "Jimmy" running up the front steps into McGavran Hall. They finished their takes and then, as I went off to class, the man who was playing "Jimmy" started talking with me about the campus and Providence etc...

My name might be in the credits...Who knows... I guess we'll just have to wait and see 

:)

So yeah, those were just a few of the highlights from my week, but I'm hoping to share some more soon!

With a big cup of grape juice and a haggadah (For Passover), I bid you all a good evening :)

L'chaim!

-Courtney

Don't worry! It's only Welch's grape juice from the downstairs lounge :)

Survey

Warning: This is NOT a normal blog post!

So I know people ask this a lot, but could as many of my CollegePlus! friends as possible fill out this 10-question survey I made this morning?

(Both Current and Former CP students can answer it! I will be closing this survey this upcoming Wednesday at around 2pm PST)

Huge thank you to Derek L. who answered me when I posted these questions on Google+, I really appreciated getting a response :)

Distance Learning Survey 

I know most of these can be answered with the routine responses...But come on you guys...You're CP'ers! Try getting outside of the same old cookie-cutter answers. ;)

I'm writing an 8 page research paper on Distance Learning vs. The Traditional College route for my English final, so the more responses I get from you all, the better!

This will really help me in zero-ing in on what my thesis focus should be, so I'm looking forward to reading your responses! :)

For everyone else, I am hoping to write a new blog post later on today/tonight, so keep an eye out!

Thank you sooo much! 

-Courtney

Reflections (Part 2)

Whew!

These past few months I've noticed that I have put things off in the wayside that I should have had at the forefront of my life. Things such as my relationship with God and with family and my friends as well as just being involved in my college community and not being off in my own little world. After really praying about it for a few months, (Yes some of these decisions were results of New Year's Goals/Prayers) I decided to do a little bit of switching up in my life things that aren't as pressing or things that, while they might be beneficial later on, are taking away from the more important aspects of my life right now. Some things were easier to spot and/or to start working on than others, but in the end, I know that this is a normal part of life as a Christian and that I need to follow God's standards and calling on my life rather than my own wants and desires. 

Things that have come up range from not getting outside enough, especially for exercising; being in a relationship; keeping in my own personal bubble; being at school; allowing myself to become depressed; the list goes on. I realized that as time went on I would justify them by finding the "Good" and trying to outweigh the "Bad" or saying "Well, this is why I'm doing this," but that's not how, as a Christian, I should go about the way I live my life. The Westminster Shorter Catechism says this: What is the chief end of man? - To glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. That is one of my main life statements and I strive, often weakly, to keep that as my focus. But I cannot pursue something without God's support. If there is something that I am doing, that I have been praying about and seeking advice from Christian authority figures on, and yet, no matter how "Good" it might be, the situation is slowly leading me away from keeping my relationship with God as my main focus, then it is my duty to act on and pray for guidance as to the way in which it should be fixed as soon as I possibly can.  "Enjoying Him forever" does not mean I go over every situation and say "Well this is okay because it feels right" or some other form of reasoning. It means that as a someone who has been created by God and is a child of His that I should enjoy the fellowship with Him that I have on earth as a way of looking forward to fellowship with Him in the future. 

If I am to be in fellowship with THE Creator, MY Creator, who am I to say "Well look over here, I'm glorifying You in these ways, but I mean, can't I just have this situation to myself? Does it really matter/count? I can't be perfect You know...I mean...I've been saved by Christ's blood and my sins have been completely removed....I am one of Your children...Won't these sins be cleared off as well?" Yes, in an extremely technical sense that is true, but that's not the right attitude or mindset at all! In fact, that's a really great way to dishonor God and eventually, if not sooner, end up embarrassing yourself along the way. Not to mention that the embarrassment might not be solely seen by God...It can seen by people around you as well! Trust me, I know...I have had many, many experiences. It is only by God's grace that He is showing me areas that I have sinned in, but not only that, He is actively bringing me back to Himself....How amazing is that!?!
^_^

You know what, I'll let you in on a non-secret...It's EXTREMELY humbling and can be a source of embarrassment and pain that you didn't know you could experience. But I'll let you in on something else...IT'S COMPLETELY WORTH IT! I can endure the looks, comments, reactions, etc from other people, no matter who it's from or what it is, because I know now that my heart, soul, mind, and strength are being lead in the right direction by the One who holds the only, working compass for life. 

Yes, I know, this post did turn out to sound more like a testimony in the end....Again...But that is really how my life has been this month, especially this past week. A testimony that, if we do what God has shown us to do, He will eventually bless us, whether it's in this life or the one to follow. There are things happening now in my life that I have been praying for months (And some for years!) to happen or at least begin, and God has finally started to answer these prayers in ways that have truly shocked and amazed me. So much so that a few of the people on campus have come up to me or been talking with me lately and suddenly said things like "Wow...You've been so energetic and full of life and branching out into the community and just have been so bright and upbeat lately...What happened??" And I get to share the ways that God's been changing and working through situations in my life for His glory and my further enjoyment of Him. 

That is why I am able to write this post now. It is so easy for me to become depressed and frustrated that there have been so many difficult situations to deal with in my life, but God has used and is continuing to use each and every one of them to show me how I have sinned and where my relationship with Him has been replaced as my top priority. Yes, it is and will continue to be difficult to uproot the habits and situations that I have let replace Him, but it will be so completely worth it in the end... That is why I am able to bring to God the areas that I am purposing to work in with His help like my relationship with Him and with my family and being a better friend and being involved in the Providence community and focusing more time and effort on my courses and finding and working at a summer job; the list goes on and on and on... 

I can't wait to see what He will continue to do in my life even just within this next year!
^_^

So yeah, that was the other half of my reflections...I hope I didn't bore you at all... I'm not sure how you could be bored by something so wonderful and exciting, but some people don't get as excited about these things as others do... : (

So, with a lot on my my mind and lots of love and prayer your way ...Yes, even you ;) ... I am going to go finish up the last bit of my work at the library this evening and be off to my bed after a loooong day!

Good night and God bless!

-Courtney

A picture that I had taken of McGavran Hall reflecting in the railing next to the Library

Reflections (Part 1)

Okay so it is Saturday evening and I feel terrible because I haven't written in such a very long time but there is good reason for that. I have been busy with tons of papers and a lot of things that God has put on my heart lately. Hopefully I will continue to grow and do a lot better in school and in my friendships. Thankfully, I have been able to write all these papers without much stress and go to classes and hangout with friends and go places and do things and have fun enjoying college life all while growing closer to God and doing amazing things that were completely from Him and so obviously not done by me. It has all really been strengthening my relationship with Him and growing me into the young woman I have been called to be.

On Monday, I think my greatest experience was focused on the fact that I had so many assignments that needed to be done and that I wasn't able to do it all on my own strength and I was soooo busy! That morning, I realized that I had accidentally deleted a three page paper for Bible that I had completed on Saturday morning and was due on Tuesday. With everything else like work, a 3 hour class, and other assignments, recognizing the fact that I couldn't even start to rewrite this paper until after it was due was very humbling. This was also due in part to the fact that the book I needed was always checked out whenever I was able to read it that day... >.< ...

I realized that God was using this experience to show me that, no matter how much we plan ahead, there is always a very real possibility that He may have other plans in store for us and we must learn to trust His judgment above our own.

Tuesday was overwhelming. 

I was simultaneously preparing a paper for my final homeschooling class, which was on Wednesday; figuring out how I was going to write my English paper, which was due on Friday; and now I was figuring out how to have a paper written that was due the next day to my favorite professor and which had already been completely finished earlier. It was all very frustrating and I was beyond distraught. But, unfortunately, those were not my greatest worries. 

The biggest problem bugging me that entire weekend, and especially on Tuesday, was the fact that I had missed two of my math classes since Spring Break because I had planned to withdraw from the class and so, of course, I didn't go. However, I decided, at the very last moment, that I was going to stick it out. There were only 4-5 more once a week classes left and I had already gone this far with a good grade, why not just do my best and finish?

So I was frantically trying to learn the difficult material that everyone else had gone over in class...You should know that I am really not good at learning math (Especially on my own!) and so I had some classmates go over the homework with me and I went to class early to study and get help from my teacher. I was so completely nervous the entire day and had been praying so much that day because I wasn't understanding most of the problems or the methods that were being discussed, but I knew that God could still do an amazing work through me. So I asked Him if He would tangibly show me how He can do amazing things with someone who feels so wholly unable to do anything right. I knew that just because I prayed about it and I worked hard that did not mean that it would happened, but I asked for His help and that He would show His power through me, whether it be big or small, for His glory. 

That evening, I took the quiz that I had missed first. My professor graded it right then and there and gave it back to me...I had gotten a 30/30! I had answered three questions and had gotten them all completely correct! 

After that, I took my test with the rest of the class. The test had 13 questions and two extra credit questions. I am pretty sure that I did at least average on it which is absolutely amazing! I really hope that I did well because it would be such an amazing testimony, blessing, and relief for me to be able to finish this class out strong and really see this whole situation as completely God and none of myself. 

Of course, that is how all of life is, but it is so blatant and clear to me in this class where I don't really enjoy or understand what I'm being taught.

To Be Continued...!

So, with a huge smile on my face, lots of love, and a few more Reflections to write about my week all barely contained inside a small girl in a dorm room located in Pasadena, California, I bid you all a good evening! :)

-Courtney

^ Me imitating my little brother, Timmy (6) ^